The Cold War IS Hot
by soul-of-insanity16
Summary: Chaos, Explosion, kissing, deals and a puffer fish. How does all this relate to each other. Read and enlighten yourselves.


A story mostly meant to show the fun and absurd characters of the guild. I tried but got suckered in to have a little romance their as well. What can i say, I'm a die hard romantic. Not the sappy sort though. Hope you like it.

**THE COLD WAR IS HOT**

It was right there. The interruptions in his dreams. His darkest desire. His deepest fantasy. A few feet away. A few feet that felt like miles. Guarded by one of the most dangerous person in the guild. The person was none other than Mirajane.

But that didn't matter. A cocky and confident smile erupted on Happy's face. The prize was definitely worth the risk. His girl was somewhere there and he had to steal her away- his beautiful, tasty, kinda poisonous if not eaten properly, puffing fish. Mirajane had told her about the puffer fish she had bought as a snack for the upcoming Spring Festival. But she was going to cut it and mix it in vegetables. VEGETABLES. The thought nearly broke the little blue cat's heart. Sooooo the only way to save his little angel was to steal her. And then of course, eat her raw.

Shaking his head, he roamed his eyes around the guild searching for his target.

Target spotted.

Operation commences.

He flew over bored guild-mates to the white haired Elfman. As always he was boring some poor chap with his 'Be a man' talk. He sat on Elfman's head trying hard to repress his evil laugh.  
>"What is it? I'm busy." Elfman said, removing Happy from his head.<p>

"Nothing. Just thought you would like to know that Gray was dissing you earlier." Happy said, his face cutified with a puppy dog- sorry, scratch that- kitten cat face. Instant rage eloped Elfman's face. Ready to kill, he paced towards Gray who was talking animatedly to Macao.

"And then I told him that he didn't have any balls to say it to my face and he….What?" Gray looked curiously at Elfman who looked like a bull whose girlfriend just died.

"Why don't you say it to my face, Gray?" he said.

"Huh?"

"You're going down." And with that Elfman jumped on Gray marking the start of the fight for the month.

Happy flew to a safe spot on the ceiling_. Just wait patiently and it's yours._ But then his vision got sparkly. A beauty straight from the heaven came infront of his eyes. Violins were playing and he suddenly saw a light pouring down from the sky. Ooh sorry, that was just the sun. Whatever, Charlie had chosen the same spot to hide as Happy and he couldn't he happier.

"Don't worry Charlie, I'll protect you." Happy said, flexing his non-existent muscles. Charlie as usual ignored him looking down at the crazed humans.

Not having his hope stamped on, he babbled to Charlie about the fish and his plan which depended on the crazy antics of Fairy Tail.

"And when everyone is busy fighting, I'll steal the fish. We can share." He said, looking at Charlie unsurely. "And we can eat the fish on a date on the hill. And then we will celebrate Spring Festival together and we will get married and then we will have small kitties which look…."

"Calm down, male cat. There will be no celebrating, no marriage and absolutely no kitties. But there might be some sharing of fish." Charlie's eyes gleamed a little at that. And as usual the guy scummed to the girl.

Meanwhile, the fight between two not-so-careful guys had turned into a full frontal war. When Elfman jumped on Gray, he fell on Macao. Macao got angry and punched Gray. Gray punched Elfman. Elfman had no one behind him so he punched Alzack who was nearest. Bisca got annoyed and the guns went off, making a shelf fall on Lucy and Cana sitting nearby. Already on a pissed mood because Cana spilled alcohol on her book, she summoned Loke and Taurus at the same time.

Taurus was stupid and a pervert so he lifted Erza's skirt. Erza's face imitated that of Voldemort and she equipped into her strongest armor and punched Taurus on the face. Taurus flew towards Levi but Gajeel pushed her outta the way and got hit instead. That's the time Natsu decided to enter the guild and got hit by Gajeel's iron fist. Poor Natsu fell on Lucy who fell on the already fallen and naked Gray.

Seeing her love rival so close to her Gray-sama Juvia melted into water with anger flooding the whole guild. Evergreen's glasses came off and lo-and-behold their were beautiful statues of Lisanna, Fried and Reedus. Mira seeing her smaller sister turned into stone lost her temper and turned devil. Suddenly the whole ceiling was falling off. But as if only a fly had died, nobody minded and kept on punching the brains out of the people nearest to them.

Happy and Charlie flew when they felt one of the panels on the ceiling give away. The fish was in Charlie's hand- all safe and smelly.

"Shouldn't you stop them already, male cat?" she said. She wouldn't have allowed all this to happen if Wendy was here. But fortunately Wendy was in school. _Oh, how quick kids grew up_.

"Getting on it" Happy answered, surveying the battlefield below him. He prayed for the fallen soldiers and for himself as he flew in dangerously close to the fighting pair of Natsu, Gray and Lucy.

"Why did you step on my face, flame shit?"

"Why was your face on the floor? Oh, that's where it belongs."

"Piss off, pinky hair."

"You piss off, stripping loser."  
>"CAN BOTH OF YOU GET OF OFF ME?" Lucy shouted shrilly, making both the boys flinch. Both of them hurriedly got up and extended their hands to help the blonde mage. She ignored both of them and stood up, glaring hellholes into their faces. Wow, if Lucy made faces like that they wouldn't need to fight the enemy on missions. They would drop dead, by her satanic face.<p>

She stepped closer to Natsu (Gray once happy, that attention was diverted to Natsu) whose face was scared shitless.

"You asshole, you pushed me, burnt my book and tore my new shirt as well. TODAY IS THE DAY YOU DIE."

"Come on, Luce. It was an accident." Natsu tried to defend himself. Tried being the main word.

"Accident, my ass. You were born with the natural ability to cause havoc and destruction to every damn, fucking, bloody thing around y….."

And that was the time Happy decided to put his 'Save the guild and become the hero cause now you have the fish' plan into action. He flew like a fighter plane, diving down and pushing Lucy on Natsu at just the right angle. (What, didn't you know he was a math wiz?)

Lucy fell on Natsu head on her lips catching his. (Don't ask me how, just know that it happened.) Hanging on for support her arms came around Natsu. Her eyes grew the size on tennis balls. Both of them stood still, their lips still chapped against one another.

All the chaos ceased. Gray who was nearest suffered the greatest from the explosion and fainted at the spot. A few more bodies fell behind him. Elfman, Cana and Macao cheered for Natsu, the exact words being- _The baby who used to crawl, has finally grew some balls._ Erza glared at Natsu with a force to kill a whole army. Her only competition was Loke and Taurus. Mirajane and Levi somehow managed to find each other and giggled like 6 year old girls. Lisanna had a sad smile on her face, ohh sorry she had a sad smile on her face when she got turned into stone. Gajeel cackled madly at a corner.

The kissing pair who were still frozen showed signs of life at the madness going around them. Lucy slowly moved back, with her face all red like a ripe tomato. Natsu who was blushing for maybe a first time in his life gave Lucy a sheepish grin. Not able to resist it she smiled back. Natsu broke their SAS match (stare and smile) to look up at the retreating form of Happy.

_Hope you liked the fish, buddy. Cause my part of the bargain was freaking awesome._

**THUS, THE END**

Okay, some may find it confusing but don't worry cause your fairy godmother a.k.a ME will tell you what it is all about. So my children, making it simple-

Happy wants fish. He starts commotion. Everyone fights. He steals fish. Stops commotion by making Lucy and Natsu kiss. They both act coupley and everyone stops fighting. Natsu was Happy's minion and was helping him out. They had a deal. A fish for a kiss. Get it?

So what's the verdict? Did I get most of the people there? Let me know by reviewing. ^_^

Sayonara


End file.
